a small piece for a stupid reason to end this time

I've loved writing as much as I have this time around, and I want to do more. And keep up the nightly scribbles that have fallen off the routine horse bc of essays that needed writing.

I want to keep updating that longer poem, and keep thinking about the things I started thinking about.

it's the start of a piece for two violins, bassoon, and piano, that all being well I will actually be able to write, and not be forced to absent fail the subject for stupid reasons

my process is fucked my attitude is fucked, but goddammit I'm getting better slowly, and the whole pandemic is extra fucked

lots of love to you all - until next time xx

an improvised piano nonsense with bookcase

I used to be good at improvising then I lost my nerve and stopped for a few years, and now I never like what comes out. I like some things in here.

sitting down to fuck around at this new piano 9 years ago with my new iPod touch and the voice memo function is what made me realise I wanted to compose. it’s special to get back into it, even if I suck at it for a good long while yet.

https://youtu.be/JBpY4h2psLI

(edit - I wasn’t going to post anything today bc it got too late for me to use brain for good word think, then I remembered I did this! was going to film myself on a whim rather than record it, the camera was flipped and I decided I liked it)

xx

actual music? in MY month of music??

I mean only a small undeveloped snippet but still!

https://soundcloud.com/jmgibson/piano-voice-soft-light/s-uTgHSdnrs7g

beginnings of a piece for leichhardt espresso chorus. something about..

soft icicle stillness
soft haze    of sharp colours
soft neons beseeching
immutable lights and
irrepressible warmth amidst
the cold


o r  s o m e t  h i n g 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

something else, about sexuality

I have long periodic dips in the asexual world and I feel like I’m there now so whelp

this isn’t finished yet but I’m falling asleep trying to write it

she’s switched it off again,

stone cold stuck and stayed,

deader than a frayed bunch

of wires. no warning signs,

no courtesy notices, no letters

of intent or lack thereof, no

post-it notes left to remind

us or tell us don’t wait up,

signed with two kisses. it’s 

not like she’ll be missed 

terribly much, too fussy and

insistent on her being heard

and answered for and indulged

like she’s the only one of us 

who lives for bliss and craves

whole-hearted love. 

too much trouble too much

devastation, worlds ended, 

hearts broken like a child

disappointed on a playdate.

Part II

the slant of the sunlight hits different when I think about you

warms me upwards from the root of my body and I

can’t contain it

sometimes it bursts careless and catastrophic,

spilling champagne and confetti smashing glass

candy-pink explosion

neon floodlights and screaming...

_

who are you again? the day changed like your face

and I can’t recognise you anymore

I can hear the way you made me feel, but now I don’t know if it was ever

 really you at all

I can hear soft pulsating beats of neon harmony

I can hear them through to my fingertips down to my core, quietening down until they 

reach my feet

and I do not move

I think that if I listen closer I will understand something better

I can always hear this, and I always think this

I don’t know what it means

Tree and Sky page 1

I'm only going to put page one up here, the second page sounds a bit too much like debussy for my personal comfort so I'm going to work on it tomorrow.

just some reflection really

I played some piano today - took some chords from a piece whose writing was difficult and whose premiere went terribly and scarred every relationship I had with everyone involved.. and yet people I trust have told me that music was still worth something. it was meant to be hopeful and empowering, but everything about it feels like a big painful mopey failure for me. i can’t reconcile that just yet, but I played some very vindictive and broody arpeggiated passages based on that chord progression. I didn’t record it, but I might notate it one day.

I don’t think talking down about what I’m feeling is actually very helpful, but idk what else to do about it. shame’s hard, huh.

Unless I practice actually getting notes out there, I think I’m always going to be pulling teeth trying to write music that matters to me - really any music at all. I want to write some more notes soon - the routine of these days has grown over the music writing time I had hoped for, so I’ll have to cleave some space in again.

Hope you’re all doing okay. xx

A Moment - and a start of a new song cycle

Given that it's the last seven days, I thought I'd give myself a project to push through to the end. A new song cycle, starting with this dark stormy poem:

arrangement of a piece from the original MoM

Duet for Horn and Bassoon

Transposed

Untransposed

guess this is month of weird poems for me

i don’t know what to add yet? too tired to add more now, will add edits here

the slant of the sunlight hits different when I think about you

warms me upwards from the root of my body and I

can’t contain it

sometimes it bursts careless and catastrophic,

spilling champagne and confetti smashing glass

candy-pink explosion

neon floodlights and screamkng...

tbc